Thunderous
Full Member
They Have Pulled Down Deep Heaven on Their Heads
Posts: 210
|
Post by Thunderous on Feb 23, 2008 23:25:24 GMT -5
Haven't posted here in a while. =D This is the beginning a novella divided into many small episodes. I've written three so far, with more probably coming soon, but we'll start with just one and see how you like it. In Medias Res I am conscious only of cold, and the hard earth beneath me, and the steady rhythm of the rain that beats me into the mud. I see nothing. Darkness overwhelms me, and I am alone. What is this place? I pull myself to my feet, still holding my eyes tightly shut for a reason of which I am unaware. I feel the wind on my bare shoulders and a shiver makes its way across my body. Pain comes with it. I touch the spot curiously, and feel a warmth there and a wetness that is not rain. It brings feeling to my icy fingers, and relief from the cold comes before the realization that this is my own blood. As if on cue, pain suddenly overcomes me. I fall back to the earth, and for the first time I smell cedar and pine, and feel the crunching of wet leaves beneath me. So I am in a wood. But what is this place?
|
|
|
Post by GhostEggplant on Feb 24, 2008 11:19:46 GMT -5
The character, whoever it may be, has just gained my undying sympathy. Well done.
|
|
|
Post by Maliris on Feb 24, 2008 12:58:45 GMT -5
I hope he pulls through. I mean, I dunno who he is but hey, nice beginning. :]
Looking forward to read more.
|
|
Thunderous
Full Member
They Have Pulled Down Deep Heaven on Their Heads
Posts: 210
|
Post by Thunderous on Feb 24, 2008 18:07:42 GMT -5
Well, that's a good start. I think I'll post another one. *is worried that he'll have to write a new one before long, despite being very busy* Mkay. I sit in the darkness, still not daring to open my eyes for fear of what I might see. It occurs to me that with my eyes closed I cannot even know that it is dark; yet something tells me it is so. I feel around myself softly, my wet, trembling hands finding at last the thin trunk of a young tree. I pull myself up with its help, and once again feel a wave of pain and vertigo, but with the tree’s help I remain standing. I stretch my hand again and find another slender tree, and another and another. Though my eyes are still closed, I form an image of an endless wood of these young trees, the ground covered with leaves and the sky obscured and blackened by rain clouds and branches. Every part of me aches, and I cannot gather the courage to inspect the wound somewhere near my heart. The wind sings a soft and frigid song, and a thunderclap shakes the very earth. Unable to bear it any longer, I slowly open my eyelids. I am astounded.
|
|
|
Post by GhostEggplant on Feb 25, 2008 17:05:04 GMT -5
BECAUSE I AM BLIND! Yeah. I demand more!
|
|
Thunderous
Full Member
They Have Pulled Down Deep Heaven on Their Heads
Posts: 210
|
Post by Thunderous on Feb 25, 2008 20:00:34 GMT -5
Methinks the ghosteggplant has remarkable abilities of foresight. I'll wait a little while before the next one though. Don't worry, just a day or two, enough to get some more comments. ;D
|
|
|
Post by lisajane on Feb 25, 2008 20:59:07 GMT -5
Not my kind of thing - I don't like overly descriptive writing - but it's a good beginning.
|
|
|
Post by GhostEggplant on Feb 29, 2008 0:29:55 GMT -5
Hah, I got mad skillz. More?
|
|
|
Post by Aryeec {E.F. Forester} on Mar 6, 2008 23:11:57 GMT -5
I like it. Having said that, I have one very nerdy criticism. If he were to smell cedar and pine, there wouldn't be any leaves/bushes around, b/c the fallen pine needles cover the ground and it wouldn't get much sunlight, but very good description.
|
|
Thunderous
Full Member
They Have Pulled Down Deep Heaven on Their Heads
Posts: 210
|
Post by Thunderous on Mar 7, 2008 17:22:21 GMT -5
Er, where exactly do I say there are bushes on the ground? o.O I'm not trying to blow you off here, but I'm not sure what you're trying to say.
At any rate, here's another:
Nothing changes. The world around me is still utterly black. I become conscious of an aching in my eyes, and a fragmented memory returns to me: a thunderous sound, a blinding white light. And blinding it must have been, for I can see nothing. A hope comes to me that perhaps it is only the darkness of night. But no storm cloud is this heavy, and no night this starless. A monstrous thunderclap confirms my suspicions: no thunder so strong could go without a powerful lightning, but I have seen nothing. As if the thunderclap were a last dying effort of the storm, the rain slows and the thunder stops. The pain in my chest has dulled a little as well. My destination unthought and unknown, I pull myself up a second time and begin walking, my back to the wind.
|
|
|
Post by Aryeec {E.F. Forester} on Mar 7, 2008 19:09:55 GMT -5
sorry. just leaves. you had no bush. lol
|
|